I’ve been sorting through and deleting the pictures on my phone and pulled a few gems out of the vault (aka 2008 – 2011 aka pre-marriage and a baby carriage). One day when he’s really getting on my last nerve and I’m gritting my teeth I’ll be able to look back and see what a coupla cute kids we were and I’ll forgive him in an instant. Unless he ate the last ice cream. Then it’s on!
And now, onward… Continue reading
Sometimes I wonder if other people feel things the way I do. Like maybe I operate at a higher frequency or am just more in tune because I really feel things. Emotions. Hormones. Nostalgia. Mercury. Full moons. Whatever you want to call it. It wells up in the pit of my stomach and my heart does this double beat thing and I could burt into tears at any second. It could be as something as silly as Corey making me a cup of tea, just because that’s when I usually have it, or the smile on Coop’s face when we stand under the ceiling fan and pull the cord to turn the light on and off and on and off a hundred times. He’ll look up at the light and then back at me like “Did you SEE that?” and he points and signs light and on and off and on and off we go. It’s a vicious cycle but I love every second of it. I’m smiling and I’m crying and it’s an ugly mess.
“I like that you’re a cry baby. It means you care.”
But can you care too much? I have days like today where all I do is THINK. Think about the first day I met Corey at my friends house by the beach. He had on a rasta colored beanie and drove an old green Volkswagon bus. He played me a song on his acoustic guitar and that was it. And then I think about us moving out, buying a house, engaged, honeymoon, pregnant, baby. I think about our whole story, watching it play out in my mind. I try to recall every detail and get frustrated when I can’t. I tell myself to take more pictures, more videos, more posts. How much have I already forgotten? See what I mean? Sometimes I need to tell my emotions to go take a hike because well, it’s exhausting.
The other night I was rocking Cooper to sleep and we had the radio on and my favorite song to sing to him was playing softly through the speakers. We were swaying around the living room and my heart was all thump thumpity as I watched his eyes roll back because watching your baby drift off to sleep has got to be one of the greatest treasures of being a mother. His head was on my shoulder and his arm was around my neck like he was giving me a hug and I had to force myself to lay him down in his bed. He’s still not sleeping through the night, so instead of goodnight I tell him “see you later” because he’s usually curled between us around 2am-ish. As much as I’d love to sleep in my own position without my arm going numb and my shoulder aching, I find myself waiting for him to wake up and I know I must be a crazy person for it. I’ve woken up in the morning a few times with no recollection of how he got there. I look at him and scrunch my nose, “you did cry, right?”
Tonight Corey and I were laying on the couch, our little Christmas tree glowing in the corner, and I let out one of my big sighs. But I was just trying to get some of the day out, nothing in particular. “What’s wrong?” “Oh, nothing” and he just waited silently because it’s never nothing. I went on and on about how sometimes I pull into the driveway and walk to the door and right before I turn the handle I get this vision that I’m going to walk in and Cooper will be 5 years old. Or I’m going to walk out tomorrow and see a teenager. I feel like I’m going to just wake up and have missed it all. I know I won’t and it’s totally silly but it still gets me all. the. time. He waited some more, making sure I got it all out before being the wise old man he is, “The good thing is it’s not going to happen tomorrow and you’re not missing anything.”
When you’re right, you’re right.
A few weeks ago Corey came home and said the three most magical words to ever escape his ginger mustached mouth:
It was like the heavens opened up and that cheesy beam of light was shining right down on us. Magical, I tell ya. With hardly any time off together we’ve adopted the mindset that we really need to make the most it when we have it. So naturally, random day off = trip to the zoo! We were dealing with some slightly cooler weather which meant the animals would be out and it was a week day which meant all the other animals would still be in school.
So we got up early (really it was the same time as always, but 6am will always be early. always.), packed everything we own, and hit the road. We met my mom and Hailey there and it was like we had the entire park to ourselves. No waiting in line, no trying to see over crowds of people, and no one else’s annoying bratty kids to try and ignore. It was quite lovely indeed. Hailey even kept us on track, telling us every few minutes “ok, let’s find something else”. A child after my own heart!
By the end of the day we were all exhausted and I had blisters on my heels. You know you had a good day when the first then you do when you get in the car is take your shoes off and let out a big “ahhhhh”. Cooper pointed and clapped at every animal which I think means he liked it and he saved his massive blowout for the minute we got home. THANK YOU, son!
We drove home holding hands, our boy napping off his grand adventure in the backseat. His cheek resting on his shoulder and Mr. Kitty gripped tightly in his sticky watermelon fingers. I think I really love this little family of mine. I love it a lot.
“Are you sure about this, Dad?”
We were taking bets on whether she would actually get on but she patted him the whole time saying “this is sooo awesome!”
Just a bunch of wild asses
Failed attempts at a picture on the carrousel
Sometimes we all just need a good friend to lean on…
My baby boy turned one last week and while I’m still coming to terms with it all, I had to suck it up (Corey asked me if I was going to cry every year on his birthday. And yes, I will.) because there was a party to be had. The weather didn’t cooperate as I hoped, so the dessert table was deconstructed and spread out on the counter, all our crap was stashed in the bedroom, banners were hung inside instead of in the trees and it was still wonderful. Sisters came in from out of town, cousins were running around together, I got to see an old friend and I couldn’t have asked for a better day. Cooper was a teething, crying, snot nosed mess but we did our best to keep him entertained because there was no stopping this party train. A big thank you to everyone who came and celebrated with us. We love you all!
And now for the picture overload:
Here’s to a great year in the books and another great one ahead.
*cupcakes by the very talented Jenuine Events. If you’re local and you need a cake, check her out. Seriously. The simple cupcakes I asked for are nothing compared to what she can do. Thanks again, Jen!
One year ago today you decided you couldn’t wait any longer to be with us and you burst into the world with just a few grunts and these huge observant eyes and in an instant my world was changed forever.
I love you more than you’ll ever understand, except maybe for when you have your own kids one day, and no matter how old you get or how many hairs are growing on your chinny chin chin, you’ll always be my sweet little baby.